Is Suppressing Anger Good?
Anger is a very dangerous feeling and if not properly disposed off can even cause havoc. Starting with in brief why we get angry? The simplest answer is when things go against us and our will , when we are hurt by something , we get a very disappointed reactive feeling termed as "Anger".
1.Action and reaction:
All the danger-ANGER) depends on your reaction. Whatever the way you show your anger , its pattern is often largely inherited from your family and the surrounding people , the way you've seen people behaving right from the start. Here are some of the reactions :
(a) Some people directly jump to the extremes .
(b) Some people get angry over little things but their anger calms down in a while, anger is of comparatively short span.
(c) Some would just start to abuse altogether.
(d) Some intend to take revenge from others.
(e) And here's a dangerous most way , the category of people who suppress their anger and punish themselves only or store their anger inside them and one day , it bursts out starting with a stimulus that ignites the flame and the reaction is many times.
2.Utililizing angry feelings:
When you feel angry , dejected , remember:
-Never go harsh, you can answer the people without losing your temper and getting loud.
-Tone/Rhythm your breathing take deep breaths and say to yourself "Be normal, nothing's bad , relax, be normal".
-Now instead of keeping the hurt to yourself , try directly talking and explaining your view with a sense of feeling that you are not forcing something.
-Don't keep things in your heart , for one time comes that things get over loaded and heart bursts out , the result is the single person who then suffers all your past stored angry reactions as well.
Let's go with an example:
A wife watches her husband talking to another woman, it is obviously a situation when she feels angry , insecure as well. Now there may be many reactions she can show , either goes and starts talking to another man , result is more distance between both of them, or stop talking to her husband or just act normal as if she has not noticed anything. But till how long she can wait and hope that things will be corrected one day until she does not take the step herself , she should directly go when the man's at home at rest , in the mood to listen to her and tell him that she felt hurt that he talked to another woman and would like him not to do this again.
Here's she doing two things , first not hiding her feelings as she knows if she hid her feelings , he may consider that she does not feel anything bad when he talks to another woman and in the second place , she is suggesting him that how would she like him to behave.
It is just our perception that makes our emotion overfed us and make us more angry. Always try to manage things out rather than sitting and worrying about it. There's nothing that worrying can do but a lot that your managing tips can do.
Don't express your anger over someone else or some pet etc, it's not the suggested way.
Another way of managing your anger constructively is to manage it through destruction. Go to a sofa and throw all cushions with full power on the ground , then pick them up and place them again , doing this several times until you are tired enough increases your mental management as well as your suppressed angry feelings get reduce to a great extent.
You can sit and talk to yourself , the reason of your anger , figure it out once and then find out why is this happening to you? What should be the steps that you shall take that no one can make you feel angry anymore. Anger is justified but being angry is in our hands, there are some people who get angry if anyone takes their things without permission while on the other hand some people do not mind even if you take their things home. Why is it? It's only because of perception , one has very strong reactive , possessiveness about his/her belongings while other is a happy contented person who does not consider such acts to be salutations where they can be angry.
Psychiatrists believe that when you dislike a thing and you keep quiet just to make the other person feel better , it is the biggest punishment you give to yourself . You should instead adopt 5 minutes silence to make the other person feel like he/she has said something wrong and then tell how you feel and not only how you feel , how hurt you've been but also the way you would like the other person to react for the next time in front of you.
Always remember ;the tolerance to angry things and suppressing anger or silently making yourself suffer are different things . Don't mix tolerance with suppressing anger as they have vast difference between them.
Written by Dr.Muhammad Wasif Haq, Islamabad, Pakistan.
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