A Different Child
There is always a child in the family who is more sensitive, more serious, more introvert and have some complexes in the early age, and our society leg pulling factors also add fuel by discouraging and making fun of such people by under-estimating them which gives them serious effects to the life of that specific child.
1.Understanding the psychology of the child:
This specific child tends to pick things quickly , is often more intelligent than other children of the same age level, has the extra energies to change or do the things, genius, highly sensitive, often more serious than the other children of the same age.
2.The beginning of the problem:
Problems start to arise when this child is snubbed by someone at an early age, he/she tends to go into the shell, feels more insulted than other children and basically takes every thing to an over-sensitive level. Some cases also do not participate in daily life activities, take the reaction of a little thing and the reaction lasts for several days, sometimes the whole life time. They tend to live in their own world and face lot of difficulties in trusting and communicating themselves to others.
All children are sensitive especially at an early age and any bad experience can turn their whole mentality negative.
Other factors include when this child feels more power, power to do something more, something different but for some reasons couldn't do, this child starts to build a world of fantasies around him/her self. They tend to live in this fantasy world and remain away from daily life activities, making them introvert.
3.If go unnoticed:
Everyone of your child is different, has a different psychology, the first born child and the last born child cannot be treated with the same tricks, for example you may shout at one child and the child shows no reaction, other child at the same voice starts to cry on it.
If these qualities keep on developing in children and it goes unnoticed , these children develop mental disturbances, thinking to be what they really are not , go towards the crime, sex line and always act as the opposite pole of the society.
4.Involvement of parents:
Basically such deficiencies are 80 % resulted due to fault of parents when they tend to treat the every child of them with the same tricks and sticks, in some cases it has been studied that the child was either a very much loved child or a very much ignored child, both are extreme cases.
Here you've to stop and keep a balance , the child needs to express his/her self out , there is something that is disturbing him, parents must give time to discover through his/her behavior , the inner psyche of the child or consult a psychiatrist.
More often these children tend to such a psychology when they see serious or unpleasant events at an age before three years. Another common factors comes out to be the disclosing of the flaws/mistakes of these children by their parents in front of other people or insulting the child in front of people aggravates this disorder, making the child to lose his/her confidence, the decision power, believe in one's self. This is the time when the child starts to crawl back to the shell.
If you are sitting and discussing a controversial issue, your child comes in and you don't want the child to listen to this topic, don't immediately adapt silence or try to change the topic, this way child gets more conscious and picks that very thing which you wanted to hide away. Maintaining the silence at once, the child feels like "Odd man out".
As mentioned before, they need an understanding, try to take part in their life , listen to their thoughts and encourage them on little things so that they can come out of this shell.
6.Steps towards healing (For parents):
1.The most important factor is to bring something or do something that the child utilizes his/her extra tendencies positively , some parents admitted their children to drawing schools where the child learnt good skills, and instead of wasting the energies, the child can now utilize it more effectively.
2.Bring the child out of his fears and depressions, don't expect things to change quickly , things would take time as the child has been growing with it since the first day.
Try to consult the child, develop a panel of trust where your and his/her thoughts can run across, at first the child may react back but don't lose or withdraw, try to show some tolerance, try to first understand the complaints, dejections and fears the child has.
3.This child has many of his/her personality corners hurt, you have to get to these hidden corners and not by pressure, love the person slowly and slowly, he/she would open all doors of his/her heart, you may have to do something that the child needs, for example the child may say that he/she needs a good friend, at this instant , a kiss or a lovely pat at the back of the child would comfort him/her.
4.Child would recover more quickly if you involve him/her in home affairs, ask his/her opinions about different things, make him participate in general discussions, arranging a party for his/her friends once in a month can recover the broken trusts of the child.
5. Consult a psychiatrist and don't feel hesitation in doing so , as some people in Asian society feel hesitation thinking that only mad people go to psychiatrists, it is not right. Like any other disease, mental disorder is also a disease and every one has the tendency to develop it.
For the child:
1.Try to acknowledge that it was all the experience of life , everyone has/her different experiences so you had.
2. Consult a friend who understands you well , reveal your fears and dejections , write them on a paper and try to find why you suffered that way, then try to change.
3.Increase your social activities.
4. Stop hating your life, take it as a part of your past, stop worrying why this or that happened, it just happened.
5. Take part in other people lives.
6.Do not sit idle/alone , work hard.
7. Learn to admit and believe that there was nothing ever wrong with you , you were just passing through a phase of life and now you're out of it.
8. Take new risks and chances in life, don't stop , never lose the hope, keep on working on and on with life.
You're perfectly normal , don't believe that there's something missing in you as the Ugly Duckling believed herself to be but when she saw her own reflection in water, she realized that she was not ugly.So come on, make new friends and smile to life, life will smile at you.
Written by Dr.Muhammad Wasif Haq, Islamabad, Pakistan.
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