Child abuse or child sexual abuse is one of the serious matters that need awareness and attention but unfortunately in our part of the world, no one likes to pay attention to such issues rather put them under the 'disliked talking'. So here we will discuss about this matter, it's effects and possible ways to recover out of the trauma.
Child sexual abuse is any act:
In which forcefully a child is used for sex by an elder person, it may be in any form from simple touching to an intercourse even.
What kind of children are most liable to experience it?
Though there is no specific categorization of children that have to go through this worst experience of life , anyone can have this bad chance in life but as we see , mostly those children are likely to become victims who are quiet, silent, introverts, like to live alone in their own worlds, snubbed at the home, sensitive and such children appear to be the most "weakest" victims to the abuser. The abuser thinks that whatever the abuser may do with the child, child is never going to stand up against the victim since the child likes to become "Silent sufferer" especially if there's a lot of communication gap between the child and the parents or if any of the parents is extremely strict. In most of the cases, a previous history with some health care worker has been documented. Neglected children by parents who give their children to people to take their care while the parents may be busy in their work is also another important factor when analyzing their history.
The abuser does not take the child at first instant for sex rather first makes the child inclined towards him/herself. This way the abuser is making the child learn that the child can depend on the abuser, examples include giving too many gifts or toys to make the child love the abuser. Later when a friendly panel has been established, the abuser takes the child into a lonely place and according to the abuser wants and desires, the child is treated forcefully that way. If the abuser is in the family, it has been observed that the abuser is in general quite a social and friendly person due to which people never doubt on the abuser for the acts.
The effects of the abuse on the abused:
The abuse has many harmful effects on the personality some of which are listed below:
1.Fear develops in the personality of the abused and the abused starts to fear sex and thinks sex as some very painful horrible process.
2.Underestimation feelings also arise and the abused one thinks that he/she is a disliked personality in the society.
3.Hating one ownself is also quite common where the abused person starts to blame him/herself for the act, feeling extremely guilty.
4.Problems in keeping relations is also observed where the abused one is always having fears of sex and often shows a strange, aggressive and unpredictable behavior.
5.Laziness is also observed in some cases or it is to say lack of interest is observed coz the act constantly worries the abused one's mind and thinking and especially when the abused one has not discussed the story with anyone else and is constantly blaming him/herself for this act.
Following are the feelings written by a victim named "x" of child sexual abuse. Cool Bluez has kept the identity of the person closed, you can have a view on these feelings :
These children often turn good later on in life and lead an ideal life or as a reaction start doing this act to other children as well. They've problems in trusting people and if anyone gets close to them, they take the closeness to be an indication for sex and tend to runaway and get offended.
Steps for recovery:
Make yourself believe that it was not your fault.
Tell your mother/father immediately so that a serious step can be taken .
Believe that it was an accident with no fault of yours but 101% the fault of the abuser, start making plans for your life, take participations in different activities and enjoy life. Do not start telling this experience to every person but just to some close friend.
Do not think it about too much.
In the beginning when you'll be emotionally disturbed, you'll feel like crying, take your time to cry but think that aren't you crying uselessly?
Go to different places, meet new people. Not everyone measures you on the basis of sex, there are good people like you too in the world.
Develop optimistic approach that if it happened to me, I shall not let it happen to anyone else. Take a walk in the morning in the garden and notice as many positive points about the trees, the flowers, the birds etc , this will develop positive thinking in you.
Life is precious and you've to fulfill your dreams and higher aims in life.
Regular activities such as exercise, sports, cycling should be practiced, so that if the level of stress hormones is high, it can be burnt by the physical activities.
Give them feeling of trust and ability to express what ever they want to say, enforcing them to act or keep quiet is going to make things only worse. Make them believe in "Living free" breaking all the false chains of self imprisonment.
Consult a psychiatrist in case if the above mentioned tips do not work.
If we take preventive measures, we can save our children from this accident.
1.Give child a chance to express him/herself as well and see the child's attitude towards life. Don't shatter or suppress his/her personality.
2.Note the emotional development and needs of the child and work for it.
3.Do not discourage the child especially in front of others , this will develop confidence in his/her personality. While on the contrary if you'll insult him/her, he/she will develop distances from you and the apparent good attitude of the abuser will attract the child towards the abuser.
4.Keep a note on your child's activities and friends etc.
5.If your child likes to stay alone, you need to know the reason behind this isolation adapted by the child and work positively to end it.
6.Trust the child.
7.Talk to the child when he/she has grown mature about sex, explain to him/her about sex and how to be careful about it. This is so very essential that you should talk to the child about sex otherwise things can go the other way round.
Written by Dr.Muhammad Wasif Haq, Islamabad, Pakistan.
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