How to control your anger?

Anger management is very very important these days because as life has grown fast , people have lost their temper and are easily irritated by little things in life. If you have the same problem , then you just came to the right place. We have collected some of the tips to control the anger from Psychiatrists. We will look in detail for the reasons that make us annoy and then find out tips to control our anger and not let our anger control us.

Anger or short tempered is one of the very harmful diseases because a short lived anger may break someone's heart , someone's home or may lead you to even kill the person.

Q: Where does anger come from?

Before we start dealing with management steps , let's see where does anger come from and what are the reasons?

1.When we feel we are treated unfairly or in a manner that we don't deserve, when our expectations and morals have been hurt.

2. When we cannot manage things on our own and often blame the other person for the troubles in our life.

3. People who believe themselves always right, people with selfish attitude.

5.The more you show your anger , the more you show your ignorance and inner fears.


Q: How to control your anger?

"When you are angry , you look no more than this donkey"

To get anger is a normal reaction and to express it till some limit is a healthy human sign but if it gets too hot and hurts you as well as others. You shall learn to control it.

First of all , relax down , take a deep breath. Now find out what's disturbing you the most? Is it your lack of sleep? Thinking that everybody hates you? Do you think too often life or people around you are highly unfair? Or your daily heavy routine that is behind your short temper ness? If you have figured it out , then you have taken the very first step.

When you get angry:

1.Take a deep breath from your diaphragm and not from the chest, breathing from chest would not relax you down rather has been claimed to increase the anxiety.

2.Say to yourself "Take it easy" , "Calm down", "It's ok-- not the end of the world" or "Relax". Repeat these words while breathing deeply.

3. Do not act immediately. Think 2-3 alternative different reaction to the situation. Discard the first reaction as it is always violent. Use second or third alternative reaction. It usually is more wiser. 

4. Place some saying in front of you that you do not have to get that much angry or hard. For example if you are driving and someone takes a wrong or dangerous turn, instead of getting mad or using abusive language, remember to take a look at the note which says that do not be that much angry, it's fine.

5. People are ignorant and make mistakes. Being gentle with them, forgiving them, showing them better way to do things next time can result in disposal of your anger as well as people would learn to improve themselves more easily compared to if you get angry and mad at them. Think that only human beings make mistakes and when we make one, we expect other people to understand us and forgive us quickly, so the other person also expects of us the same.

6. Give time between action and reaction. Think deep that how you are going to manage the situation.

7.Imagine your beautiful moments of life or a beautiful scenery that relaxes your imagination.

8. Nothing is the end of the world, so why think hard to give the other person blow? Never make relations reach the point of no return when your emotions are at peak. Your mind may tell you that you would be better off on your own when you are angry but with passing time, you start to realize that you need the other person. So do not quit relations by taking immediate decisions.

Steps to reduce anger:

1.Take at least seven hours of calm and peaceful sleep in a day , don't play music while sleeping , just let your nerves relax and not suffer the harmful effects of music. Sleep in silence. Sleep at proper timings I-e  at night and not till late day.

2.Wake up early in the morning , take a morning walk in the garden, talk to yourself about what you have to do all day.

3.Stop criticism and all negative pessimistic thoughts , stop counting flaws in people.

4.Instead of hate , keep love in your heart and smile.

5.Try tolerating things, don't shout if you are uncomfortable over a point , discuss it peacefully , don't quit neither fall into useless argument.

6.Don't believe yourself always right. "One who considers himself always right is always wrong".

7. Read as many jokes as you can and cherish your friends with these jokes.

8.Learn to manage your life.

9.It is better to change the way you think and perceive things , angry people tend to curse or swear and speak very quickly , it is better if one changes his way of approach , for example , instead of telling yourself, "oh, it's awful, it's terrible, everything's ruined," tell yourself, "it's frustrating, and it's understandable that I'm upset about it, but it's not the end of the world and getting angry is not going to fix it anyhow." 

10.Be careful of words like "never" or "always" when talking about yourself or someone else. "This !&*%@ machine never works," or "you're always forgetting things" are not just inaccurate, they also serve to make you feel that your anger is justified and that there's no way to solve the problem. They also alienate and humiliate people who might otherwise be willing to work with you on a solution.

11.Remind yourself that getting angry is not going to fix anything, that it won't make you feel better (and may actually make you feel worse).

12.Make a plan, and check your progress along the way. Resolve to give it your best, but also not to punish yourself if an answer doesn't come right away. If you can approach it with your best intentions and efforts and make a serious attempt to face it head-on, you will be less likely to lose patience and fall into all-or-nothing thinking, even if the problem does not get solved right away.

13.Angry people tend to jump to—and act on—conclusions, and some of those conclusions can be very inaccurate. The first thing to do if you're in a heated discussion is slow down and think through your responses. Don't say the first thing that comes into your head, but slow down and think carefully about what you want to say. At the same time, listen carefully to what the other person is saying and take your time before answering.

14. Angry people tend to feel that they are morally right, that any blocking or changing of their plans is an unbearable indignity and that they should NOT have to suffer this way. Maybe other people do, but not them!

When you feel that urge, he suggests, picture yourself as a master, a powerful ruler, who owns the streets and stores and office space, striding alone and having your way in all situations while others defer to you. The more detail you can get into your imaginary scenes, the more chances you have to realize that maybe you are being unreasonable; you'll also realize how unimportant the things you're angry about really are

If your daily commute through traffic leaves you in a state of rage and frustration, give yourself a project—learn or map out a different route, one that's less congested or more scenic. Or find another alternative, such as a bus or commuter train.

Islamic way of controlling anger:

Islam prohibits anger , sit down if you are standing , lay down if you are sitting.

Forgive people for forgiving is better than revenge.

Drink water and do ablution coz anger is from Satan who is made of fire and water puts off the fire.

Read this Ayah when ever you feel like you are getting angry

He (Wrestler) is not brave who defeats the other wrestler but he is brave who controls his anger.

Special thanks to all the people who have been consulted to for this article and for the Apa.Org website.


Written by Dr.Muhammad Wasif Haq, Islamabad, Pakistan.





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