Book Review: Yes, You Can!
By Sam Deep & Lyle Sussman
Cool Bluez Rating (5/10)
Yes, you can! is a good self help book for organizing yourself. Though the book lacks much of examples and explanations, it compensates for it by covering wide variety of topics. Every topic is discussed on a single page in the form of points. Therefore it might be helpful for you to have a quick look in your busy schedule since there are no big paragraphs or chapters. The book includes topics on improving personality, relations, office topics as well as family and home matters guidance.
Selected Points From The Book
1. Low self esteem: People with low self esteem rarely achieve their potential. They do not take necessary risk and remain in background. Don't tolerate another awful day of status quo, get angry to reverse the losses you suffer as a result of your low self regard. Help other people and you yourself would grow positively. Make list of your important achievements in the past twelve months.
2. Pessimism: Describe the causes of your pessimism on a sheet of paper, next to causes, document the evidence that it is real and not imagined. For each real cause, try to write a way to counteract it too. For imagined causes, think alternative explanations & contradictory evidence. Talk with people you love, discuss your issues with them. Two common causes of pessimism are 'fear' and 'hate', both can shut off your mind. Every time you catch yourself complaining, quickly immerse yourself in an activity that will take your mind off the troubling subject.
3. In bad times: Pray. Develop unshakable belief in something greater than yourself. Faith in God is a great comfort in times of trial. True inner peace comes from a permanent connection with God. Let Him into your life. Move quickly through the natural period of feeling sorry for yourself. Persist. Fight. Survive. Don't even think about quitting.
4. Messages: Divorce the message from the messenger. Don't stereotype. Don't assume that the first bit of information you get on any new subject is correct; continue to listen, read and ask.
5. Self boasting: Spend more time listening. You can't boast when you are not talking.
6. Help and compliments from people: Start saying yes if people offer to help you, instead of responding automatically 'no thanks, I can handle it'. Accept compliments and praise with big thanks graciously instead of protesting that you don't deserve it.
7. Self confidence: Stop mumbling. Speak clearly, distinctly and confidently. Never say or think "I might fail". You might learn a new way of not doing something but you would never fail.
8. Becoming successful: Take caution. Do it! Follow through with passion. Stay physically fit and build your energy. As you implement your plan, pay back those who help you succeed. Believe in yourself and persist. Lincoln lost 8 elections before becoming president. Colonel Sanders suffered 1000 rejections before he sold his first chicken recipe.
9. Energy and good mood: Schedule playful breaks into your workday; listen to a favorite song, plan a fun weekend or evening, browse through your favorite catalog, fantasize about your next vacation, play with a puzzle or toy, call your best friend, do something that you love to do. Drink plenty of water-at least 8 glasses a day.
10. To attain goal: Write your goals down in planner where you can get to see them regularly. It will help you stay committed. Schedule each of the steps you need to take to accomplish the goal. Put them on a realistic timeline. Do self talk about your goals. Assess how well you are doing and make necessary adjustments to get to results. Congratulate yourself when you succeed. Urge yourself to overcome procrastination. Set yearly goals, monthly objectives and weekly priorities.
11. Update yourself: Ask lot of questions. When coming across new and unfamiliar information, ask lot of questions. The only dumb question is the one you didn't ask. Keep a collection of educational audiotapes in your car to make commuting and travel more profitable. Once a week add new ideas you gained the last week in a journal along with comments on how you can use them to your advantage. Keep reviewing them weekly and monthly.
12. Problem solving: Define the problem at hand. What exactly is the gap between where you are and where you want to be? Before you implement your decision, ask yourself what might go wrong with it. Prepare yourself to solve possible glitches down the road. Get feedback from people if they can find flaws and weakness in your plan.
13. Discover yourself: Take a sheet of paper and carry it with yourself, write in it the things that you enjoy doing. At the end of the week, watch the list and analyze how closely it matches with what you actually do. Any items on list that are not now a part of your life and work represent your hidden potentials.
14. Enhance creativity: Use mind mapping. Don't fear mistakes as creative people make the mistakes and profit from them. Keep inspirational people by your side who encourage risk taking and thrive on change.
15. Argument: Know why you are arguing. Do you have a need to win, to work off your aggressions, or to establish a pecking order in the barnyard? Do your reasons make sense?
16. Negotiations: Set a friendly, cooperative, trusting tone at the outset. Find an agreement that meets your needs while meeting the other person's needs at the least cost to you. Stay calm and rational during deliberations. As soon as either of you become emotional, call for a break. Don't appear anxious for solution; don't make snap judgments when someone makes a new proposal.
17. Procrastination: When a new task looks overwhelming, start it immediately even if you can only spend a few minutes on it. Break every difficult task in manageable pieces. Work on one piece each day. Stop thinking about how uncomfortable you think you'll feel while performing an undesirable task; start thinking about how good you'll feel when the job is done.
18. Change: Take on positive views of life that many people who are willing to change have in common. Disruption is a natural element of an evolving world and change presents opportunities to grow.
19. Effective listening: Remain equally open to every idea you hear. Don't stereotype the speaker and avoid making judgments until the speaker has finished. Find personal value in hearing and being entertained by stories of others. Listen for content rather than judging and therefore becoming distracted by, the speaker's delivery style. Focus on the speaker's message. Mentally summarize; weigh the evidence; ask clarifying questions.
20. Speak effectively: Don't rehash, repeat and paraphrase unnecessarily. State your idea once, concisely and directly. Don't demean or belittle your listeners (let me put this in a terms that you can understand). Listen to yourself on audiotape, try evaluating what impression you make by your voice, how much variations you make or do you speak in monotonous voice? Repeat single sentence eight times with fluctuations representing joy, fear, anger, sadness, surprise, confusion etc. Use silence and pauses in speech.
21. Deliver presentations: Start with enthusiasm. Add some humor by sharing personal stories, not by telling jokes or poking fun at your audience. Close with a brief summary and a high energy finish that motivates the audience to action.
22. Express yourself truly: Realize every time you withhold a statement about your feelings, you drive a nail into the coffin of a relationship. Sublimated feelings never go away without scarring. You'll begin acting negatively toward this person for reasons that neither of you will readily understand.
23. Friendship & relationship: Work gradually into friendships. Don't commit unconditional trust and undying allegiance without witnessing an impressive track record of reliability. Have reliable friends by being a reliable friend. Enable the people in your life to count on you as much as you want to be able to count on them. Create psychological intimacy; share your innermost experience and deepest feelings with the person you love. Talk daily about your impressions of the people and events you encounter. Reveal your important most goals, share your reactions to triumphs and failures you experience. Make each other laugh especially in a mature relationship where you may have forgotten the importance of being funny.
24. Disagreeing with people: Think win-win, because you'll not win in the long run if the other person walks away humiliated. You'll pay somewhere down the line. Focus on issues, not personalities, and remain calm. Name-calling and hurling accusations make a bad situation worse. The more upset you get, the less sense you make and the less credibility you have. To disagree with aggressive people; repeat the person's request (you want me to give up this aisle seat that I worked so hard to get so you and your friend can conduct business? I don't think so'). Make the request sound as outrageous as possible to the requester and to anyone else in hearing range. Thank others for their verbal acts of aggression as you deflect them. (But thank you for asking). Just say no and have a smile on your face when you say it.
25. Pride: Pride cuts both ways. It has value in building your self respect but it's destructive when it causes you to be deaf and blind to feedback that might help you. Don't allow your pride to destroy you.
26. Dealing with others: Apologize if someone has been hurt by you, admit and accept responsibility.
27. When others make mistakes: Criticize only in private and once done, give positive strokes by saying something good about their performance, confirming your support of their efforts, expressing optimism for the future, or voicing your appreciation for their cooperation. Accept sincere apologies quickly, not allowing others to grovel.
28. Leadership qualities: Leaders have vision. They dream. Find out where you want to go and write it down and get excited about it. Leaders listen. Learn the desires, aspirations, worries and frustrations of your people. Leaders earn trust. They uplift others by praising and rewarding those who go good. They maintain humility by giving more credit to their people than they expect. They serve and are concerned about welfare of people more and finally they have fun by having atmosphere where smile generates all the light needed to do the work.
29. Resignation of employees: When employees leave voluntary, find out what you might have done to keep them. Use what you learn to motivate existing staff.
30. Pleasing your boss: See that problems get resolved before they reach the boss's desk. If you must present a problem to the boss, go in armed with possible solutions. Keep the boss informed. never let either good or bad news come from anyone else other than you. Learn your boss's expectations for your performance. Don't start any new assignment without being absolutely sure you know what the boss is looking for. Save money for your company. Discover cheaper ways to do tasks. Be seen as innovator. Find alternate ways to do things better, faster and differently.
31. Customer care: Anticipate all time. Don't merely respond to customers. Meet their needs before they ask and solve their problems before they complain. Listen to complaining customers and solve their problems quickly, generously, happily, thankfully and remorsefully.
32. At work: Invent new products and services. Find better, faster or different ways of doing things. Find ways to save money or make money, search for creative solutions to problems. Bring same curiosity and vitality to your work that you bring to your hobbies and personal interests. Become the best at what you do and indispensable. Make your unit more successful and therefore more vital to the company. Make no enemies. A scorned coworker might be in a position someday to engineer your demise.
33. Job hunting: If job hunt is coz of loss of job, take some time to clam down, assess the situation and examine your options. Don't jump into job search until your emotions are settled and you have performed a thorough self-analysis.
34. Expenses cut: Keep needs versus wants in perspective. Do you mistakenly believe that you need that exotic new electronic gear when in fact you only want it? When shopping, negotiate. You'll be surprised how many cash-starved retailers are willing to give discounts to those who ask for them.
35. Marriage: Do you like everything about the way your future spouse has treated you before you decided to get married? If not, remember: it won't get any better after the ceremony. When you return in evening, give undivided attention and respond to the feelings expressed and stories shared.
36. Parenting: Give children household duties, teach them how to contribute their share . Watch for trouble signs (Change in friends, values, weight, routine or mood, be serious if there is any mentioning of suicide). Accept that your children ain't your carbon copies, don't expect them to respond to life in the same ways you do. Teach your children to express emotional distress and pain rather than sit on their feelings. Respond to expressions of fear by asking your children to talk about what they are feeling, share similar anxieties you had at their age. Train them to be readers, give books as gifts throughout their lives, let them see you reading and enjoying books. Train your children to ask questions at an early age, be receptive to them and praise their inquisitiveness. Start saving today for your children's college tuition. Encourage your family to support, defend and protect each other in public, even as they disagree in private. Consult the whole family when making important decisions-from choosing a pet to planning a vacation. Expose your children to the extended family. Give them plenty of
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