Disclaimer: All the copyrights belong to the respective author/s of the book. The purpose of the book summary and review is to promote the book and share some of the great points from the work.
Cool Bluez Rating (6/10)
Carnegie won international fame and recognition for his book “How to win friends and influence people” that presented in depth analysis on how to polish our skills that can attract people towards us. This book is a mini compilation book from his two books namely “How to win friends and influence people” and “How to stop worrying and start living”. The beauty of this book is that it not only highlights important actions that we often commit and suffer but it also suggests alternate ways that we can utilize to improve our lives.
Selected points from the book:
Nobody is so miserable as he who longs to be somebody and something other than the person he is in body and mind.
All art is autobiographical. You can sing only what you are. You can paint only what you are. You must be what your experiences, your environment, and your heredity have made you.
Let’s not imitate others. Let’s find ourselves and be ourselves.
Clear your desk of all papers except those relating to the immediate problem at hand.
Do things in oderd of their importance.
Two priceless abilities: 1. The ability to think. 2. The ability to do things in the order of their importance.
Some kind of plan to do first things first is infinitely better than extemporizing as you go along.
When you face a problem, solve it then and there if you have the facts necessary to make a decision. Don’t keep putting off decision.
Take up one problem at a time and come to a decision. No procrastination-no putting off.
Learn to organize, deputize and supervise.
Many businesspersons are driving themselves to premature graves because they have never learned to delegate responsibility to others, insisting on doing everything themselves. Results: Details and confusion overwhelm them. They are driven by a sense of hurry, worry, anxiety and tension.
Greater part of fatigue from which we suffer is of mental origin; in fact exhaustion of purely physical origin is rare.
What kinds of emotional factors tire the sedentary (or sitting) worker? : Boredom, resentment, a feeling of not being appreciated, a feeling of futility, hurry, anxiety, worry, because our emotions produce nervous tensions in the body.
Worry, tensions and emotional upsets are 3 of the biggest causes of fatigue.
Learn to relax while you are doing your work.
Work as much as possible in a comfortable position. Remember tensions on the body produce aching shoulders and nervous fatigue.
Check yourself 4-5 times a day and say to yourself ‘am I making my work harder than it actually is?’, ‘Am I using muscles that have nothing to do with the work I am doing?’
Test yourself at the end of the day by asking youself ‘just how tired am I? If I am tired, it’s not because of the mental work I have done but the way I have done it.
One of the chief causes of fatigue is boredom.
Your emotional attitude usually has far more to do with producing fatigue than has physical exertion.
Blood pressure of the body and consumption of Oxygen actually decrease when people get bored, and that whole metabolism picks up immediately as soon as they begin to feel interest and pleasure in their work.
Boredom is the only real cause of diminution of work.
Our fatigue is often caused not by work, but by worry, frustration and resentment.
Where your interests are, there is your energy also.
If you act “as if” you are interested in your job, that bit of acting will tend to make your interest real and also decrease your fatigue, tensions and worries.
By thinking the right thoughts, you can make any job less distasteful.
Let’s forget about what the boss wants. Think only of what getting interested in your job will do for you.
You spend about one half of your waking hours at your work and if you don’t find happiness in your work, you may never find it anywhere.
Count your blessings, not your troubles.
So when you are kicked and criticized, remember that if is often done because it gives the kicker a feeling of importance. It often means you are accomplishing something and are worthy of attention.
Vulgar people take huge delight in the faults and follies of great men.
Animal rewarded for good behavior will learn much more rapidly and retain what it learns far more effectively than an animal punished for bad behavior. The same applies to humans.
The resentment that criticism engenders can demoralize employees, family members, and friends and still not correct the situation that has been condemned.
Criticisms are like homing pigeons, they always return home.
Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain-and most fools do. But it takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving.
Instead of condemning people, let’s try to understand them. Let’s try to figure out why they do what they do.
There is only 1 way under high heaven to get anybody to do anything. And that is by making the other person want to do it.
Deepest urge in human nature is the desire to be important.
If you tell me how you get your feeling of importance, I’ll tell you what you are. That determines your character.
“I consider my ability to arouse enthusiasm among my people” said Schwab. “The greatest asset I possess, and the way to develop the best that is in a person is by appreciation and encouragement”.
We often take our spouses so much for granted that we never let them know we appreciate them.
We nourish the bodies of our children and friends and employees, but how often do we nourish their self esteem? We provide them with roast beef and potatoes to build energy, but we neglect to give them kind words of appreciation that would sing in their memories for years like the music of the morning stars.
Honest appreciation got results where criticism and ridicule failed.
Figure out the other person’s good points. Then forget flattery. Give honest, sincere appreciation.
Why talk about what we want .That is childish. Absurd. Of course you are interested in what you want. You are eternally interested in it. But on one else is. The rest of us are just like you: We are interested in what we want. So the only way on Earth to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it.
You can make more friends in 2 months by becoming interested in other people than you can in 2 years by trying to get other people interested in you.
All of us, be we workers in a factory, clerks in an office, or even a king upon his throne-all of us like people who admire us.
Always make the other person feel important.
Golden rule: Give unto others what we would have others give unto us. How? When? Where? The answer is: All the time, everywhere.
Little phrases such as “I’m sorry to trouble you”, “would you be so kind as to?’ , “won’t you please?”, “Would you mind?”, “Thank you”-little courtesies like these relieve the monotonous grind of everyday life and , incidentally, they are hallmarks of good breeding.
The life of many a person could probably be changed if only someone would make him feel important.
Talk to people about themselves and they will listen for hours.
If you can’t be sure of being right 50% of the time, why should you tell the other people they are wrong?
Never begin by announcing “I am going to prove so-and-so to you”. That’s bad. That’s tantamount to saying “I am smarter than you are. I am going to tell you a thing or two and make you change your mind”. That is a challenge. It arouses opposition and makes the listener want to battle with you before you even start.
If you are going to prove anything, don’t let anybody know it. Do it so subtly, so adroitly that no one will feel that you are doing it.
If a person makes a statement that you think is wrong-yes, even that you know is wrong-isn’t it better to begin by saying “Well, now, look. I thought otherwise, but I may be wrong. I frequently am. And if I am wrong, I want to be put right?. Let’s examine the facts.”
You will never get into trouble by admitting that you may be wrong. That will stop all argument and inspire your opponent to be just as fair and open and broad minded as you are. It will make him want to admit that he, too may be wrong.
Scolding parents and domineering bosses and husbands and nagging wives ought to realize that people don’t want to change their minds. They can’t be forced or driven to agree with you or me. But they may possibly be led to, if we are gentle and friendly, ever so gentle and ever so friendly.
If you would win a man to your cause, first convince him that you are his sincere friend. Therein is a drop of honey that catches his heart.
Friendly approach and appreciation can make people change their minds more rapidly than all the bluster and storming in the world.
In talking with other people, don’t begin by discussing the things on which you differ. Begin by emphasizing and keep on emphasizing the things on which you agree. Keep emphasizing, if possible that you are both striving for the same end. Get the other person saying ‘yes, yes’ at the outset. Keep your opponent, if possible, from saying ‘no’.
A ‘no’ response is a most difficult handicap to overcome.
Once having said a thing, you feel you must stick to it. Hence it is of the very greatest importance that a person be started in the affirmative direction.
It often seems as if people get a sense of their own importance by antagonizing others at the outset.
Socrates technique: Getting a ‘yes, yes’ response; he asked questions with which his opponents would have to agree.
The next time we are tempted to tell someone he or she is wrong. Let’s remember Socrates and ask a gentle question that will get the ‘yes, yes’ response.
Letting the other person feel that the idea is his or hers not only works in business and politics, it works in family life as well.
Nothing will work in all cases and nothing will work with all people. If you are satisfied with the results you are getting, why change? If you are not satisfied, why not experiment?
If we intent to ‘change people without giving offense or arousing resentment’, we must begin with an attitude of respect for, and acceptance of , the person. His response depends on our attitude.
It isn’t nearly so difficult to listen to a recital of your faults if the person criticizing begins by humbly admitting that he, too, is far from impeccable.
Admitting one’s own mistakes-even when one hasn’t corrected them-can help convince somebody to change his or her behavior.
Give people the opportunity to do things themselves, never tell assistants to do things, let them to it, let them learn from their mistakes. It makes easy for people to correct their mistakes.
Asking question not only makes an order more palatable; it often stimulates the creativity of the person whom you ask. People are more likely to accept an order if they have had a part in the decision that caused the order to be issued.
Even if we are right and the other person is definitely wrong, we only destroy ego by causing someone to lose face.
Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say “You’re wrong”.
The page is a part of Cool Bluez (2011)